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Is there a bigger scumbag in the NBA?

ESPN.com: Report: Artest responds to Yao's brawl comments

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3512419

Full Blown Aids

Will that phrase ever cease being hilarious?

Yankee Thoughts

Great move today trading Kyle Farnsworth-less straight up for Pudge Rodriguez. they are trading a guy at his absolute peak value to fill a glaring hole in the line up. I can't believe they fooled Detroit into taking back Farnsworth-less for a 2nd stint. Even with as good as he has been over the past month he proved the other nite that he can't be trusted in high pressure situations and was prob at best the 4th but more likely the 5th or 6th best arm in the bullpen. The recent acquisition of Marte made him even more expendable then he was a week ago.This is a brilliant vintage Cashman move. I liken it to the 2000 season when the Yankees were rumored to be trying to acquire Sammy Sosa but instead traded for David Justice who propelled them to World Series Championship and winning the team MVP award despite only playing half a season with them. Before him there was Denny Neagle, who in half a season had they same type of t
impact. This is a great move for so many reasons. If Pudge dislocates his grundle boarding his NY bound plane and never plays one inning for the Yankees it would still be addition by subtraction. There is only 1 other scenario that could have happened to Farnsworth-less that i would have like better then the trade for Pudge. Do you remember, also in 2000, when the Yankees signed Jose Canseco just so Boston wouldn't? How great would it be if we convinced Boston to take Farnsworth-less from us for absolutely nothing at all, just so the Yankees could hit off him in high pressure situations, basically guaranteeing them the pennant. That would have been great.

Here is a trade i want to see happen, this is my own thought, not regurgitated from elsewhere. The Yankees should trade for Maddux. If we are resigned to using a soft throwing righty as our 5th starter we might as well have the best one of all time with oodles of playoff experience. I'm watching Sportscenter as i type this up and Buster Olney was just saying that he is likely to be traded to the Dodgers. That's an interdivision trade, the Yankees should swoop in and steal him away. SD would have to be grateful to clear his salary and would be willing to give him away and would rather not keep him in the same division

Something New

I am starting something new thing here. Its going to be called "Text Message of the Week" Every week I am going to read through all of the texts ive sent and received and post here the funniest one and an honorable mention. Anyone can win this.

The first ever winner is......................Me

Sent to: Da Crippla on 7/18 @ 6:07pm

"Shes the Freddy Kruger of wet dreams i heard O-Dawg had one with her in it and woke up with Chlymedia funny thing is he double wrapped it in the dream"

This was referring to a girl we went to grade school with who had "loose morals" even in the 7th grade.

Honorable Mention

Sent by: Da Crippla on 7/18 12:36pm

"Now i gotta go see mamma mia. it looks equally as awesome"

Haha what a fag

A Joke

If Kamal is a gay Iraqi male, what would his boyfriend be? A Kamal jockey

Farewell to a Warrior

I bid you farewell Jason Taylor. You are a true Warrior of the gridiron and the epitome of class. You gave everything you had between those sidelines and will sorely be missed. You always had a knack for being in the right place at the right time and making the big play. You also possess the uncanny ability to always say the right thing at the right time like it was scripted without it ever coming off as rehearsed nor forced. I am sad that i will not see number 99 lining up between the hash marks on Sundays donning the teal and orange but I am happy you will have the chance to at least compete for a playoff spot and possibly more in the wide open NFC. Your decision to leave that number 99 in Miami and to start anew in Washington exudes the elegance in which you have exuded your entire career. Best of luck with the Redskins and thanks for all the hard work and memories.

Rule to Live By

Never assume anything. Especially when your assumption is based on someone else, who is unknown to you, exercising common sense. If you do it will bite you in the ass more times then not.

Mall Nightmare

While in the mall today i saw the most hideous thing I've ever laid my eyes upon. It was walking around on two legs like and amongst humans. Between the two classes of sexes it more dominantly displayed the traits associated with females but i would not call it "female" instead "female-esque" would be much more accurate. (It def didn't have tits, as gross as this abortion was i still looked) Picture what would result if you were able to successfully mate an albino african american and a toad. If you got a mental picture of something directly off the set of the movie "The Island of Dr Moreau" then you are close. This abomination is the masterstroke of gods cruel sense of humor. Ive never out of pity and mercy wanted to kill something more strongly. I fear her/its face will haunt my dreams for years to come.

Hideousness

Today i saw what i will tentatively call a female in the lobby of my building that was so hideous that i can only liken her description to what my first dump would look like after i went on a 3 day binder where i ate nothing but Taco Bell with extra hot sauce and White Castle w/ extra onions. Drinking nothing but Pepe Lopez tequila and capping everything off with a laxative laced milkshake. The abortion that would be in the toilet would prob be about equal in beauty to this mega yummy monstrosity.

Home Run Derby

I watched the Derby last nite, which i always do, and i started off wishing that they would bring back steroids to make it more interesting. But overall in the end i think it was a success and very entertaining for several reasons. First and foremost Josh Hamilton can flat out mash. His stat line from the first rd was 28 HR Avg Dist 445' Long 518' Total Dist 12458'. 3 of them were 500+ ft. One of his shots was an opposite field shot that easily cleared the wall in left center, known as "Death Valley" to the Yankee Stadium faithful. It was quite a show. Other then that there were several entertaining things that happened if you payed attention. When Chase Utley was introduced he got booed by the NY crowd. He wasn't mic'd up but there was one close by cuz you clearly heard him say "Boo? Fuck you." It was absolutely hilarious i watched it at least 5 times. In the first rd Ryan Braun hit a home run off of a "Tysons chicken" sign on the facade of the left field upper deck. The slogan on the sign was "Trimmed and Ready". Trimmed and Ready sounds like the name of a porn that a horny old man would buy who is infatuated with the fact that women now a days shave their bush. During Hamilton's onslaught he hit several balls into the black. On one occasion you see fans running in the black seats after the ball with cops chasing them. The camera cuts away for a second then when it comes back you see a fan in a jersey with the number 7 on the back (it could have been a road Yankees jersey for Mantle but the color looked more light blue then gray) You see the guy in the jersey bolt down a tunnel with a cop following closely behind and you see that a cop clearly has both hands around the neck of the other guy.

Killing Spree

If i was ever to go on a killing spree i would want the Nine Inch Nails CD Broken as the theme music fueling said spree

A Thought

Tonight i heard some news that really made me think about life in general. At the conclusion of each day we should ask ourselves "Is this the end or is this a means to an end" What i mean is when your day is over, is it just over and you are ready to repeat the same actions and lifestyle each day over and over for the rest of your life? Or was this day a step in the direction of something greater. Did it advance your life towards something better. Are you each day working towards a greater goal or are you accepting life with apathy and resigned to live that the boring day over and over until you die with no hope of something better.

What a Tool

I'm at work and there is construction being done on my floor. One of the construction guys is wearing a t-shirt that says, verbatim, "I'd rather be driving my antique car". That's enough, these autobiographical t-shirts have to be stopped, it has gone too far. What that shirt says to me is you are a tool and someone I definitely don't want to get stuck anywhere near to in an enclosed space, like an elevator.

I bet this douche is the type of person who initiates useless annoying chit chat with random people just so he can talk about his antique car. He would have no interest in anything you say cuz all he wants to do is tell you about his car. He's the type that will walk up to a complete stranger and say "How about that game last nite" as a conversation starter. He will not mention a specific game or team but rather he will base the rest of his responses on what you say next. If you take the bait and say give him any type of semi specific response to his query its all over, you're stuck listening to him talk about his car in annoying car speak that you can barely understand and couldn't care less about.

If you say that a team, any team, for any sport, lost, he'll counter by talking about how whatever team you are talking about sucks and they team and players are not as good as they use to be. Notice that you don't even have to specify a team or a sport these asswipes are very tricky. They keep their responses very generic so they can work in any situation.

In the same scenario if you happen to mention that you are talking about a baseball team that lost i can 100% guarantee that the response from Mr. Antique Car Guy will be "They got no pitching" They always, always, always go to a lack of pitching when talking about baseball. Its so easy and generic to to complain about because it works for just about every single team.

Lets tweak this a little and change it from a loss to a win and you mention what team you are talking about. In this scenario what will happen is the other person will choose the best, most recognizable player on the team and talk about how good he is. Here's an example of a hypothetical conversation between yourself and the Antique Douche Bag that could easily happen in your break room. Antique Douche "How about that game last night?" You "Yeah the Yanks won a good one" Antique Douche "That A-Rod is really good, huh." You "Yeah" Antique Douche "I can't wait to get home" You "Me too" Antique Douche "Yea as soon as I walk in I'm gonna start working on my '69 Mustang blah blah blah annoying car speak" Now you're stuck.

What is he really saying when he says "That A-Rod is really good, huh"? You don't need to have any real baseball knowledge to know that A-Rod is good, my Grandmother knows that, in fact both of them do. Also notice how this sly cocksucker throws the "huh" at the end to try to prod you into agreement with him while hes making a generic statement that 99% of people agree with already. Your respone, no matter how bland and uninterested it may sound is an invite to Antique Douche to keep the conversation going.

Another variable here is if you said that your team won and also mention what team a lot of the time he will say "Finally". Here is another hypothetical conversation that could take place in the mens room. Antique Douche "How about that game last nite?" You "Yeah the Toledo Mud Hens won a close one" Antique Douche "Yeah...Finally (chuckle)" You "Sure (with a quizzical look on you face cuz the Mud Hens have won 12 in a row)" Antique Douche " I can't wait to get out of here" You "I hear ya" Antique Douche "I'm going straight to the garage to work on my '73 Hot Rod" You "Cool" Antique Douche "Yea I'm putting _____into the suspension and just got a pair of chrome _______ for the _______ blah blah blah." See a pattern here.

So what this person's t-shirt is really saying here "I'm a tool and avoid me at all costs." Well said dickhead.

Also notice that i have pointed out two other annoying habits this person will almost always have in my 2nd hypothetical conversation. The more egregious of the 2 is he's the type of guy that will talk to another man in the bathroom, while you're taking care ofbusiness. This is one of the worst violations of male etiquette that you can have. That practice really has to stop. Its Un-American to have one male speak to another in a bathroom. This is exponentially made worse if the 2 people don't know each other and if 1 of them, if not both, are actually in the act. It is a direct symbol of why this country is going down the toilet. Men do not socialize in public restrooms. Men do not talk to other men while 1 of them has their hand on their cock or in their assholes. And if they do they are either fags or al-qaeda.

Another annoying trait is that this is the type of person who will will chuckle after everything they say, funny or not. I hate that. They make some ridiculous comment and chuckle at the end expecting you to laugh back. But they do it after almost every sentence they make. I never laugh when someone does that and it creates a very uncomfortable moment that makes the person look like a douche and i love that

Severed Feet in British Columbia

Has anyone read anything about the 5 severed feet that have been found along the shore in British Columbia? Over the past year 5 sneakers have been found washed up on different beaches with a foot inside. Local authorities have no idea whose feet they or how or why they are washing up on the shore. Today i read that they used DNA testing to show that 2 of the feet were from the same person. Really? You used DNA testing to figure that one out? You couldnt just figure that out by looking at them? There was a left foot in a left sneaker and a right foot in a right sneaker. They were the same exact same style and size of shoe. Its not all that hard. Its kinda like that game you would play as a kid which had 6 pictures that were very similiar and you had to pick out which set of 2 were exact. If you needed DNA evidence to figure THAT out, then this mystery doesnt have much of a chance of being solved. Could you imagine a 6 yr old trying to use DNA to solve one of those puzzles. They should try testing the DNA of the ocean and see if that gives them any answers.

Random Dolphins Rant

Cam Cameron had to have the worst 1 yr as a professional head coach in the history of team sports. What did he do right? Look at how bad he fucked the Dolphins for years to come in the 2007 draft. Lets look at a hypothetical situation where Brady Quinn is selected instead of Ted Ginn.

2007
Pick #9 Brady Quinn

Pick #40 Tony Ugoh/Sidney Rice/Lamar Woodley/Steve Smith

Pick #61 Samson Satele

2008
Pick #1 Jake Long or Chris Long if Tony Ugoh was picked in 07

Pick #32 Philip Merling or Devin Thomas/Brandon Flowers if Tony Ugoh is selected in 07 and Chris Long in 08

Pick # 58 Dexter Jackson/Terrence Wheatley/Martellus Bennett

In the past 2 years the Fins have used 2 2nd rd picks on QB's and they still arent sure who their 08 opening day starter will be. In addition the WR position is considered weak despite having the #9 pick from last years draft starting. By picking Brady Quinn in 07 youve added 2 quality young starters with the 07 and 08 2nd rd picks used on Henne and Beck and you have a clear cut young QB that will be with the franchise for a long time. I would be much more confident in this team to be competitive this year and years to come . I think the best thing Cam Cameron did was get himself fired.

Sean Avery

When the Rangers were evaluating whether or not to resign Avery the only numbers that should have payed attention to are as follows: 50-20-16 with him in the lineup 9-13-3 without him. That should be the end of the discussion. If for some reason those numbers weren't enough next you should look at his playoff performance in game 3 against the Penguins when he ruptured his spleen in the first period, didn't miss a shift and saw more and more ice time as the game progressed because it was a must win and the Rangers were losing. This literally almost killed him. Next you should listen to the ovation he got from fans every single home game. The label fan favorite really doesn't do it justice. Next you should look to his performance against NJ in the playoffs this year and Atlanta last year. Last year he got so far under the Thrasher's skin they made their whole series about getting back at Avery and not winning the game. The Rangers won their first playoff series in 10 yrs. Avery's uncanny ability was best displayed when in game 3 or 4 one of Atl most prolific offensive players, Ilya Kovalchuk, took a run at Avery and got himself a game misconduct. This year he incensed one of the best goalies of all time, Martin Brodeur, that he wouldn't even shake his hand as customary at the end of the series. The Rangers won the series 4-1. The Rangers average 4 goals a game in their wins and Avery had 3 goals and 2 assists total. They average 4 goals a game against one of the greatest goalies, playoffs and regular season who is also the 2008 Vezina Trophy winner in Martin Brodeur. How can all of that value go unnoticed and not rewarded? I'm going to watch a lot less Ranger hockey next year cuz Averys not there.

Child Molesters

There is one universal trait that all child molesters share. Young and old across the globe there is one thing they all have in common, at least all the ones that i have seen. They all look like child molesters. Whenever i read a story about some demented kid touching scum bag no matter their age or where they live they always look like a your prototypical pervert. Every other day it seems i read about some sick fuck on the Internet. Today i read about some piece of shit in Vermont that kidnapped his 12 yr old niece, brought her into a sex ring and then killed her. A month ago it was that 73 yr old creep out in Austria (i think maybe Australia) that chained his daughter to a wall in a dungeon underneath his home and raped her and she would get pregnant and have children. That fuck thought he should be treated w/ leniency because he noticed the daughter he held captive and raped repeatedly didn't look right he was a good man and took her to the hospital. FUCK YOU! That same day i read a story about a 17 yr old molester in NY abusing a small child that was related to him. They both looked like child molesters, this is a pattern I've noticed for years. If these people were actors they would all play child molesters on Law and Order: SVU. Just close your eyes and picture what you think a child molester should look like and I bet will will be pretty close to these three scum bags. We live in a place where no one is supposed to judge anyone. A horrible PC world that makes me sicker everyday. Maybe there are certain scenarios where we should judge a book by its cover like for example when it comes to the safety of children.

On a side note i may actually vote for the first time in a long time just because Obama says he supports the death penalty for child rapists. I know McCain said he does too but Obama said it first and the people were supportive of that so McCain piggy backed it. (Don't give me some garbage that it will only lead to more children who are raped being killed instead of let go. Theres no controlling these perverts. They are going to do what they want to do, they are incapable or rational thought, as evidenced by their repugnant actions. Once they have their perv switch on theres is no deterrent in their actions.) However since it was the Supreme Court that shot down this idea I don't know how much influence a supportive President could have because SC Justices are elected to life terms.

Sexy Watermelon

On the home page on CNN.com theres a story with the headline "Want better sex? Eat watermelon" So thats why the negros cocks are so big.

An Optimistic World

How much better would the world be if everyone adopted a much more optimistic view of everything. For example if you were a doctor who has to tell a set of parents that their son died and you went to them and said "I regret to inform you that your son has passed away. I'm sorry for your loss." and left it at that, of course they are going to be upset because you've offered them no upside.
Lets suppose now this same doctor went to these same parents, with the same news and started off with the same two statements as above but this time added a twist. This time the doctor added "But hey, think of it this way at least when hes 23 youll never have to bail him out of jail for the statutory rape of a 12 yr old boy. Ya know?"In that scenario the parents would have something to be happy about.
Lets take it a step further with someone really willing to go the extra mile, this time he says "I regret to inform you that your son has died, I am sorry for your loss. But you know, think about all the money in college tuition you'll be saving...Huh...Right? Instead of wasting a ton of money on a degree that he'd never use or on a school that he'll flunk out of before graduating you can get some R and R at the beach house you bought instead. Awesome!" Then the doctor just stands there with a goofy grin on his face nodding yes and says "HIGH FIVE" or "OH YEA, UP HIGH" That one is alot funnier if you picture Will Farrell as the doctor.

We've examined this scenario as it pertains to a dead son but its not limited to only that situation, lets change this from a dead son to a dead daughter. "Hey, sorry your daughter died but it could be worse. One day you could have a few peaceful minutes to yourself and you decide to cruise the Internet for some porn to, you know, rub one out cuz your cunt of a wife hasn't spread her legs for you in like 6 mos cuz shes prob fucking her boss. WHORE! So anyway there you are finally taking care of business in peace, and, oh yea this is years and years from now and you've watched so much porn that the only way you an get it up now is by some real freaky shit. So anyway, there you are getting the job done and then all of a sudden on the computer screen your daughter, who's like 19 at the time, appears and she proceeds to get tag teamed on one end by her cousin Billy, who's black, and on the other end theres a German Shepherd. And you are so far into your procedure that you cant stop yourself and you finish just as the German Shepherd shits all over your daughters chest. So you should stop your crying and be thankful that you will never have to deal with any of that." Then the doctor should angrily storm away muttering "Fucking faggot" That may be taking it a bit too far.

So these are clear examples how adopting a glass is half full type of outlook on life the world will be a much better place.

Maria Sharapova

Is she old enough to take a penis yet? If so i think im gonna send her a picture of mine

Slow Driver's in the left lane

Is there anything more infuriating then slow motherfucking drivers in the left goddamn lane? Today Im cruising on the Turnpike in the left lane. Its about 8:45 so i can not yet get into the car pool lane cuz ive gotten a couple of warnings about that and i dont want to push it. So here i am, theres not really traffic but it is congested. Im doing less then 60 mph, again in the left lane, thoroughly annoyed. Then the car in front of me, an explorer gets over. Then, im not making this up, i find myself driving behind a horse. A live fucking horse staring back at me at 8:45 in the morning in the left lane on the NJ Turnpike driving 5 mph under the speed limit. What the fuck, i thought i was having one of those dreams where you wake up, take a shower and get dressed then leave for work, like its a normal day. And the dream feels so real cuz its just like your ordinary day, but then something ridiculous happens and you know youre dreaming. Like on the way to your car you see someone that you havent seen in 15 yrs. Or you get to your office only to realize that you forgot to put pants on. Then you realize its a dream and you wake up and have overslept. Well i legitimately thought that happened today. What did i do? I gave the horse the finger, cut off the truck carrying the horse by using the HOV lane, yelled "Fuck You" as i passed him and gave him the finger and jammed on my brakes when i got in front of him. What fucking shithead is driving around with a horse in the left lane? This shit happens all the time and it drives me nuts. Assholes who block up traffic making everything more dangerous cuz what happens is people behind them drive like reckless Jap kamikaze pilots to get around them putting everything within 100 feet of them in danger. You see it all the time although its not usually horses most of the times its boats. These fucking shitheads driving around doing 50mph carrying a boat. Hey douche bag why dont you follow this simple rule, only one vehicle in the left lane at a time. If you are on the road and attached to what you are driving is anything larger then a bike stay to the right bitch, Also to these assholes whose biggest thrill in life is driving 65 mph in the left lane, knock that shit off pls. Get your thrills else where if you want to live "dangerously" and get in the left lane be prepared to drive minimum 75 mph. You adrenaline junkie thrill seeking asses back to the right lane.